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JaggyCars - February, 2009
Audi Q5 SE, 3.0 TDI quattro (February 2009)
Reminiscent of Reggie
I can't help it, but the first time I saw the vast Audi Q7, it reminded me of Reginald Perrin's mother-in-law. So when I first clapped eyes on the Q5, I thought it was a baby hippo.
The Q7 already provides an unmistakable shape on the nation's highways and if there were any wild hippopotamus's roaming about the UK, I can't help thinking there would be a glut of humping hippopotamus's rampaging along the motorway network looking for love!
So when the guy from Audi phoned to say he was delivering the Q5 I told him to stick it in the driveway. I also told him to put it far enough up the driveway between the house and the fence to allow another car in behind it. I was away for a couple of days and I didn't want it sitting in the street.
Trouble was, I should have checked the dimensions before I gave him these instructions. I assumed that the Q5 would be smaller than the Q7, which I had previously driven, and couldn't park it in the drive. It was like asking John West to put a blue whale in the same tin as his pilchards. It didn't fit!
Anyway I thought the Q5 would be smaller. And, yes, it is, but not a lot. Put it this way, at 1983 mm wide (excl mirrors), the Q7 is 9 mm wider than a Ford Transit! And although the Q5 is narrower at 1880 mm - that's still 6 feet 2 inches wide!
Whatever, I returned home to find that the delivery driver had faithfully followed instructions. I also realised that he must be a lot thinner and more strong-willed than me, i.e. strong-willed enough to pass burger vans in lay-bys without stopping!
I could open the door, just, but I couldn-t get in. My muscular torso is of a girth that it would not permit entry to the interior. By inserting my hand between the open door edge and the metal fence I succeeded only in bruising my knuckles as I tried to push the door open far enough to allow me to squeeze in while protecting the paintwork. Nae chance!
So there it would have to stay, undriven, till the delivery driver returned and I could watch how he did it.
But Jaggy is made of sterner stuff and very rarely is he beaten by anything automotive – and entry was eventually, safely and non-damagingly, effected.
How? Through the tailgate. The first hurdle, or two hurdles, were the luggage/weekly shopping retaining system, but these are easily slid backwards and forwards to allow legs and knees to crawl over them. Furthermore, the rear seat backs are operated by levers beside the tailgate and the seatbacks fall forward flat. That left the central arm-rest, but the release button on top could just about be reached from the boot.
So, on hands and knees I crawled in. Further enabling this undignified operation was the fact that the Q5 is so big. There is sufficient room between the front seats to insert another seat, so it was easy to crawl through the gap, execute an impressive full pike and plunge and there I was in the driving seat.
Normally I would have been as a happy as a badger in a starving tiger's cage at this unseemly scramble, but the fact that I had achieved success in this three dimensional Nintendo puzzle gave me a warm afterglow of achievement. It therefore followed that all opinions of the vehicle would henceforth be influenced by this modicum of success.
I have already mentioned the fact that the Q5 is big. It's also a bit on the portly side. Having said that, at 1865 kgs it's not as heavy as it looks, but it still needs some serious cubic inches to get the thing moving. In this case, it had the 3 litre, V6 diesel engine with 237 bhp and a whopping 500 Nm of torque - no wonder this thing is so good at towing!
There is a 2 litre petrol option with 208 bhp and a 2 litre, 168 bhp diesel, and they'll probably cope alright with a vehicle weighing slightly less than 2 tonnes.
Anyway, the 3 litre version is fast enough to be enjoyable. The test car had the 7 speed full-auto S tronic shift with two manual over-rides - using the gearshift lever or using the paddle shift. The auto is fine for tootling about town or crawling along in heavy traffic, but if you want to play sports cars then use either of the two manual modes. They are quicker at swapping ratios than the auto.
Outright acceleration is not it's strongest point, but the mid-range urge once the mass is on the move is quite impressive
For a big beastie, it doesn't roll a lot on roundabouts. Yes there is a bit of sway, but no worse than the Channel ferry on a Sunday fag run.
The only downside was the wheel and tyre combination. The standard 235/60 tyres on 18 inch wheels had been replaced by 20 inch wheels with a lick of 255/45 rubber painted round the circumference. This was purely for those who require visual stimulation rather than those who prefer comfort and handling.
I suppose the big attraction for one of these machines is the interior space, offering full comfort for five, plus the added 'bling' factor, with its jewelled head and tail lights and all the chrome detailing, plus those four circles on the grille.
But there's always the chance that if you buy it for its looks and presence, there will always be someone out there thinking that you couldn't quite afford the Q7.
With Q5 prices starting from £34645 for the 3 litre version, up to £36,750 for the S Line model, it ain't cheap but it's up there with the likes of the Land Rover Discovery. Whereas the Q7 starts at £38,505 for the 3.6 V6 and goes up to over £50,000 for the 4.2 V8, and that's footballer country.
So I suppose it boils down to the age old question, do I want one or would I have one? The answer is 'No' on both counts. It's not a bad car, but it's not for me. I like the (up to) 2.4 tonne towing limit, so a rally car on a trailer with spares would be no problem, but I don't like the physical size of the beast. I'd need to buy a house with a bigger driveway.
In Short:
Price: £34,645
Engine: 2967 cc V6 Diesel with 237 bhp
Performance: 0-62 mph in 6.5 seconds, flat out at 139 mph
Economy: 42.8 mpg extra urban, 37.6 mpg combined
CO2 emissions: 199 g/km
Insurance: Group 17
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